Terrible Dad Jokes We Love to Hate
Dad jokes have a poor reputation, but as long as you don’t mind cringing a bit, the following should help to raise a smile.
Q: Why is gambling banned in Africa?
A: There are too many cheetahs!
Q: Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll…
Q: Why don’t vampires like gambling?
A: They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
Q: Why did the British blonde bring French fries to the casino?
A: She was told to bring her own chips.
Gambling One Liners to Ease the Tension
Sometimes a one-liner is the perfect thing to keep up your sleeve for those tense moments at the blackjack tables (and far more legal than an Ace).
- I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
- I’m going to an ABBA-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
- I lost money betting with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.
- I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half-past three.
- I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
- I used to love eating chips until I was banned from the casino.
- A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gambolling problem.
- Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
- I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
- Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.
- I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
- Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
- They say one in every seven friends has a gambling addiction. My money’s on Mark.
- There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.
- Why don’t vampires like gambling? They get nervous when the stakes are raised.
- I was asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
- The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
- Russian roulette: 5 out of 6 people recommend
- Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards.
- A short chef had to quit his job at a casino; he said the steaks were too high.
- I had to quit my job at the blackjack table. I just couldn’t deal with people anymore.
- I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel… Before the manager told me to get off.
- My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
- I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook. What are the odds of that?
- Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex after he was hired at the casino? He turned out to be a small arms dealer.
Poker Jokes to Ruin Your Face
Poker is notoriously tense; here are some jokes to help if you feel things are becoming a bit too serious.
- What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
- Jeff was a little shy at the poker table. He didn’t want to show his hand just yet.
- Everyone said that Cody would be a wonderful maid… all he does is fold!
- Santa Claus is a super-easy opponent: he always checks it twice.
Card Jokes That Are the Real Deal
It’s time we put our cards on the table and admitted that we are absolutely loving these jokes.
- What has a heart and no organs? A playing card!
- What advice would an Inuit give on building a house of cards? “Igloo it!”
- Marriage is like a deck of cards: all you need at first is two hearts and a diamond; but in the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
- Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck!
- Your best chance to get a straight flush in a casino… is in the bathroom.
- Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.
Longer Casino Jokes to Pass the Time
A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that says, “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.” He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When someone picks up, he says, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What should I do?”
Sherman rushes to his house back from the casino. From the door, he starts yelling at his wife: ‘Samantha, pack your things. I just won a million pounds out of a slot machine!’ Excited, Samantha replies: ‘Oh yes, finally, we’re going on vacation? Should I pack for warm weather or cold?’ Her husband looks at her and says: ‘I don’t care wherever you want to go! You can go to the North Pole if you want, as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look, he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.
Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. The dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, and discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However, none of the other players seems to pay any mind to the fact that they are playing with a dog, they just treat him like any other player.
Finally, the man can no longer hold his tongue, so between hands, he quietly says to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"
The player smiles and says, "He isn't that smart. Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
A gambler complained to his friend at the bar, "My goodness, I had a woeful time betting today. I lost nine out of nine college football games, five out of five in baseball, and seven out of seven in hockey."
The friend replied helpfully, "Well, at least the soccer games are starting soon."
The gambler shot back, "But I don’t know anything about soccer!"
Don’t Take Gambling Too Seriously
As fans of the casino and casino games, we hope you enjoyed these casino jokes. Just remember, you shouldn't take gambling too seriously. Treat it as you would any other hobby, as in truth, it’s nothing more than just a pastime. Whenever you find yourself feeling stressed, then step away and do something else.
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